Stifled Expression

I started this blog a few years ago to talk about (and make record) of things that are happening in my life, my thoughts on random things that I have strong feelings about, and to rant/vent when I'm upset about something.

I will be honest. With this blog I have been kind of stiflng myself by not expressing everything that's on my mind or how I feel about certain thing because, although I don't have a lot of people viewing this blog (little to none), I am congnizant that there are some who do pop in once in a while. I am concerned that if I express how I really feel and think, it would turn some people off about me. They would go away with an less than favorable impression about me, especially the people who know me. They click off this blog thinking, "Wow, I didn't know that Tara thought or felt this way about this or that. I didn't know that she was like this, etc." It is my concern. That is that concerned that prompted me to censor myself a lot of times.

While looking up my natal chart, I came across this. This more accurately describes how I feel.

"She is reserved, conservative, ambitious and stubborn. She might have problems expressing herself, particularly verbally, due to shyness or fear of criticism. Social success may be slow and laborious, but she does not give up easily and is patient.

Whatever you say and write is self-censored to some degree. It's hard for you to pour out your emotions, no matter how emotional or needy you feel on the inside. This is because you are always aware of what others might think of you with what you say. You are careful with what you reveal to others. You make plenty of disclaimers, and often come across as negative or sarcastic without intending to. You often review conversations you have had with others, and you often kick yourself for saying something you didn't intend to, or for not saying something witty. There can be some feelings of insecurity about how you speak and communicate in general. Self-consciousness and hypersensitivity is experienced with regards to your intelligence and/or ability to get ideas across to others, especially in youth. You need plenty of positive feedback from others in order to feel more confident and less 'blocked'."

EVERYTHING (yes, EVERTHING) written here is right, but I boled and made yellow the parts that are pertinent to this topic.




It really just shows that I care too much about what people would think. This is my blog. I shouldn't be feeling so inhibited. That really defeats the purpose of me having this blog.

From here on out, I am going to take steps in being more expressive, or try at least. I may expression opinions or thoughts that may make people mad, feel unconfortable, or rub them the wrong way.

If you are a family or friend who views my blog, this warning especially goes out to you. You may find out sides about me that you may not have known. Then again, maybe it won't be a big deal. Just know that some of the things that I may write you will not agree with or feel unconfortable with.

Also, know that there will be times that I may talk about you in my blog, since you guys are one of the elements that encompass my life. I won't drop names, though.