Yeah, yeah, yeah...

So, my mom walks into the house after coming home from work. I'm just sitting here on the computer surfing the Internet. Then she lashes out on me about finding a job. she said that if I don't find a job by Monday (LOL), that I am going to have to find some where else to live. I say LOL, not to mock her, but knowing that it is impossible to fill out an application, get granted an interview, and start work in 2 DAYS. So, I just wanted to make that clear.

She also went on about how I don't help out around the house. That she is sick of coming home to a dirty house. Then she went on to say that I don't care, and blah, blah, blah. I will admit, I have been slack for the past I don't know how many months. I'll admit that. But shit, even when I was pulling my weight, she was STILL bitchin' about me not having a job. It's not that I didn't want to work, it's just that I let my "ambitions" get in the way, and I'll leave it at that.

Now, she was saying that I don't care, which is not true. Physically, not only have I become VERY lethargic, but I have been faced with some physical pains. So much so that I know that I need to see a doctor, but can't afford to (even if I had a job). I am pretty sure that most of it has to do with my weight. And, I don't doubt that mom is any pain, but I can almost guarantee that she is not in as much pain as I am (physically, that is). First of all, I weigh way more than her. And everyone knows that, the more you weigh, the more stress you are putting on your joints and organs. And that, at least for me, causes difficulties. Another reason is, she has insurance. If something is plaguing her, she can go to a doctor and get the medicine she needs. I, on the other hand, cannot do that. I have already talked about my weight frustrations ( 2 or 3 post blow the Michael Jackson posts), so I won't be getting into it here. But hell, I was trying to get back into it. As a matter of fact, in her complaints, she completely disregarded the fact that I clean the bathroom a few days ago (at least some of it). Hell, that should have told her something, but I guess not. That is actually just like her. If I do a certain thing (cleaning, or whatever), she'll overlook that and focus on my shortcomings. Not the first time she's done it, and it certainly won't be the last, I'm sure.

And if I ever hear her say that I NEVER help out around the house, that would be a LIE. Early last year, she went on with the same complaints. She was saying how I didn't help out around the house. By the way, my reason why is because the house (well, the kitchen and the bathroom specifically) was so lurid and disgusting that I didn't want to touch anything. This house was not in that condition before I moved away. I was shocked to see it the way it was. It was evident that she didn't clean at all while I've been gone, at least not much; and she seemed complacent about that. But, when it came to me, "Oh no, how dare you not clean!" But anyways, she was talking about how I never help out. So, after that, I started to pull my weight around the house. As a matter of fact, there have been a few times when she would come home and the house would be SPOTLESS. I even polished the wood floors, and she went on and on about how nice they looked. Heck, even with the first gathering (people visiting from our bible class) I did most of the cleaning (not all, but I would say most of it. I didn't mind, though. I wanted to do it. As a matter of fact, there were 1 or 2 times where I told my mom, "Don't worry about that. I got it." I actually enjoyed it). So yeah, those are just a few examples of me pulling my weight (no pun intended). But, during the subsequent months, my body got a lot more weary. You can also mingle that in with being a procrastinator (which is one of the things that I HATE about myself), and there you have it.

Now, some may say, "Well, you're young. You can't be having these types of problems." Well, that may have been true back in the 50s or something, but not today. People today are dying at younger and younger ages due to aliments, preventable or not. It has become very rife. So today, age is no longer relevent. There are people way older than me who are in a better physical condition than I am. So, that is why I hate hearing, "You're young," and blah, blah, blah.

Now, as far as the job thing goes, I am looking. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I came across some job hunting sites that I had never came across before. Also, I will be filling about an application at a certain retail store that I used to work at back in 2005 (before I moved to Cali). I had already made up my mind that I would go back to that store (even before my mom was complaining about me not having a job). The fact of the matter is that I don't want to go back to the same location. So, for the pass few days I have been trying to figure out another location that is bus accessible. It hasn't been easy because I don't want to work at a location that is TOO far, ya know?

So yes, I have been looking. For the past year and a half I didn't want to go back. Why? Because it felt like I was going backwards. It was bad enough that I moved back to Michigan, but having to go back to the place I worked at BEFORE I moved to California was hard. When I was in California, I really wanted to move back to Michigan. The reason why was because I missed my mom. But then, when I moved back, I saw how worse Michigan has gotten. Not only that, but I emensely regretted moving back. As a matter of fact, if I had known that being here would have been so bad, I would have went back to Blockbuster and worked there, at least until I found something better. I hated that job, I mean HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATED IT. I could feel the tension even before I drove into the parking lot. But, like I said, it would have been worth it. In fact, I have no doubt that if I had stayed in California, I would be in a better position than I am in now. Yes, I really believe that.

But, like I said, I am looking. I actually filled out an application at the Marriott. And I have been trying to fill out an application at the store I worked at back in 2005, but the electronic application is down on their site. So, I'll have to wait.

until next time...